Where You Stand
by LittleBlueBug
Summary: A year's worth of meetings, a lifetime's worth of memories. Blue spends his journey racing ahead, trying to prove he's better, but it takes a change of pace for him to realise; he never had to prove himself at all. Originalshipping longshot. Rated T for language and Pokemon death (not graphic, just sad).


Where You Stand; An Originalshipping Fanfiction

A/N: So this was inspired late at night by the song: Where You Stand by Travis (which I could very easily imagine Red serenading Blue with) and the 'I Hate Everything' comic of Blue, although it doesn't follow the same sort of story-line that the comic has (I wish it did -.-). Any Italics are Blue's thoughts.

* * *

They had always been close friends, brothers from different mothers, even closer than that sometimes.

The best memories Blue had of his childhood, his life in general, always involved Red. A new TV show he became obsessed with, that he watched for the first time at Red's house. A new flavour of ice cream he found he liked, that he never would have discovered if Red's mother hadn't gone to a weird little Italian supermarket that one time when the corner shop had been closed. A new goal for the future: when he and Red first discovered a pair of battling Nidoran in his back yard.

It started off as a bit of a game; who could eat their meals the fastest, who could stomach more spicy tamato berries from Mr Henderson's hedgerows before they got caught, who could tie their shoelaces fastest. They were boys; it was natural for them to compete against each other, Professor Oak had said once. Then, Blue discovered the addictive euphoria of winning. And the game became an obsession. He had to win, now. Their relationship fell apart, crumbling to the ground.

It was ironic that Blue's fixation was responsible for destroying their friendship, but eventually it was the only thing left to tie them together.

* * *

1

This was it: today was the day. The day each boy had inked on his bedroom calendar in bright marker pen. The first day of their journeys. It was more important than that for Blue, though. Now, he could have the chance to show Red that it wasn't just better stamina he had, or the stronger stomach. He could prove that he was good at something that really mattered! Because to Blue, not mattering to Red would be worse than any defeat.

Neither boys sleep that night, and in the morning both race to the Lab.

A sign of what's to come: Blue gets there first, but it's Red who gets first pick.

Blue is heartbroken. After dropping hints to Red about how badly he wanted a calm, magnificent grass type, he sees his 'best friend' choose his coveted Bulbasaur. Blue picks Charmander, trying not to cry as he challenges Red. But he can't hurt Bulbasaur (_she should be mine_) and he has to beat a hasty retreat.

He makes it halfway to Viridian before he's sick at the side of the road. Battling Bulbasaur made him ill, and now she was Red's.

_It wasn't fair!_

He cries himself to sleep in the Pokémon Centre that night, too resentful to even let Charmander out of his pokéball.

* * *

Blue has a new Pokémon now. A little Pidgey with innocent eyes that say she could do no wrong. As he forces her into fierce battles, Blue knows why he's pushing her; _she's not Bulbasaur, she'll never, ever be like her._ So she'll have to earn his love.

He pummels the first gym with only two Pokémon (they try so hard for him, to prove themselves, and he doesn't even notice) and battles Red again. Charmander takes down his scrappy little Spearow with ease, but then it's down to Pidgey and Bulbasaur. And Blue chokes again. Red wins, but Blue convinces himself through his tears later that night that it's only by default. He caught a Rattata later that day, and he holds her close. She's not like Pidgey, who would rather preen her feathers than train in the hot sun. No, Rattata is a fighter, already with battle scars criss-crossing her violet nose. She's violet and she's violent, and Blue thinks she's a close enough substitute for Bulbasaur, but she isn't quite the right size to fill the hole. That doesn't stop Blue from holding her tight while he cries that night, but this time he doesn't have to cry to an empty room. His tears fill the gaps in the hole, and Rattata is the new Bulbasaur. She's his best friend now. Charmander might be bigger, Pidgey might have evolved – now Pidgeotto – but they aren't Rattata. Abra is just useless, but he has to fill his grandfather's Pokédex.

The three empty slots (001, 002, 003) still haunt him though, and he can't look at them.

* * *

2

He has to battle Red again. It's become inevitable that their paths will cross. The need to beat him is strong, stronger than the love for Bulbasaur.

Pidgeotto tears Mankey to shreds. Charmander torches Spearow. Pikachu takes out Abra, but that was to be expected. Then it's Rattata against Bulbasaur.

Rattata wins. And just like that, the deep love Blue had for Bulbasaur was gone, replaced by that rush from his win, and he runs off to the next city without glancing back.

* * *

Blue's team is growing – not in numbers, but in strength they outclass all others. They have learnt to give him all they have in battle, and in return he loves them with all he has. It's taken a while, but they're finally in sync, and Blue curls up at night with Charmeleon by his feet, Pidgeotto dozing on his headboard, Kadabra meditating on the desk. And Raticate in his arms: where she belongs. She's a little bigger now, curls up in his arms less easily now, sits a little heavier in his lap now. But she's still the little fighter he loves, and the scars on her nose are like her badges of honour, a reflection both of the badges in his case and the scars on his heart.

He's learned to love them all. Kadabra isn't useless; he's earned his place. Charmeleon isn't a usurper looking to take Bulbasaur's place; he is loyal to Blue because Blue chose him. Even Pidgeotto (he still calls her Pidgey sometimes by mistake) is more graceful and less vain, and he's learning to deal with having such an effeminate Pokémon.

They're happy. They're a family.

* * *

3

Meeting Red on the boat was an accident. Before that, Blue thinks he could probably live happily without battling Red again, but it was clear from the start that neither boy would be happy with that for long.

So they meet, and they battle.

Pikachu shocks Charmeleon into utter oblivion. Fearow's vicious beak tears apart Kadabra's careful strategies. Mankey has been replaced by Vulpix, and her brutal flames engulf Pidgeotto. Then it's Rattata against Bulbasaur again.

But it's not, at the same time. Because Rattata is Raticate and Bulbasaur is Ivysaur, but also because Red is different and Blue is different and both know the other has changed, but neither see the changes in himself. Maybe it's because she's undefeated (and in Blue's eyes, invincible) and he underestimates her weaknesses, or maybe it's because Red has a defeat on his back, his only defeat, but everything is going Red's way. Every attack goes in Red's favour, and Blue slips back into his old ways.

_If it were me with Bulbasaur I could win._

And it breaks him. The realisation that even though Raticate has filled the hole – she grew to fill it – the hole has grown too. And he hates himself for it, he wants to throw himself off the side of the boat, run far, far away where the pain can't hurt him, but he can't do that.

Raticate is hurt, and they know she's dying. She knows; he can see it in her eyes, her beautiful, strong, magnificent eyes (_everything Bulbasaur should have been_) and Red knows; it's clear in his sympathetic gaze and the way his cherry eyes glisten. But Blue can't just give up. He can't lose her, not Raticate. He'd give anything to keep Raticate.

_Please, can something go my way? Just this once?_

But the world doesn't listen to his pleas, and as a final courtesy, the nurses take away the machines and the cables. And Raticate dies in his arms, and she looks so much like she's sleeping that he can't bring himself to move her, because if he touches her then he'll realise she's dead and cold, and that's just too real.

He can't even bring herself to go to her grave until the winter comes and the ground is icy and hard, because if it wasn't then he's not sure he'd be able to stop himself from digging her up, just to hold his pet (_she was never just a Pokémon_) just one last time.

* * *

New Year has come and gone, and all the trainers emerge from their winter respites to continue their adventures. Blue is among them. He has new Pokémon now; tough, nasty Pokémon. Exeggcute has a sly habit of tripping people and Pokémon alike with his vines. Gyarados has a vicious streak, he bites and snaps and lashes out, like Blue. But Blue doesn't care about their bad behaviour; as long as they're strong, as long as they don't end up like Her. He hasn't said Her name since the night She died when he wore it out sobbing in Red's arms. It faintly reminded him of a time long ago, when they went to each other for support. He pushes the thoughts about Red down, though, because now Red is tainted by what happened to Her.

Blue doesn't know if he'll ever forgive Red. But somewhere, deep down, he thinks that maybe, he doesn't need to.

* * *

4

The next time they meet is at the Tower, in the warmer months, when Blue thinks he has amassed the control to visit Her grave without collapsing against the tombstone. At first he thinks Red is here to apologise- and then again he remembers, why should he? It was all Blue's fault She died in the first place; he had been careless and weak, but he wouldn't let it happen again. He wouldn't lose again.

But he does.

Ivysaur has evolved again, and Venusaur rips through the whole team without pausing for breath. She's obscenely strong, but then Blue looks at Red. Properly looks at him. And he realises that Red isn't the same fourteen-year-old he was nine months ago. Nine months...and in that time they had both been reborn into people neither recognised any more. Where Blue had responded to life's hardships by lashing out and protecting himself with a spiky shell, Red had wrapped himself in a cocoon, a soundproof, padded space inside his own head.

But Blue didn't see that, he just saw a pair of cold scarlet eyes he used to know a lifetime ago. He cried again that night. It wasn't anything new, he'd started crying himself to sleep after She died, and if it weren't for the deep, sharp pain in his heart every time he saw a flash of brown fur or the dulled pokéball in his bag, Blue would begin to think he'd imagined Her completely.

Charmeleon doesn't even come out at night to comfort him anymore, and Blue secretly commends his Pokémon for knowing a lost cause when he sees one.

* * *

5

Lost or not, Blue still has a cause, and he throws himself into battling. He feels the need to prove himself, and the more he battles, the more he pushes himself, the more the pain fades away. It's completely by accident he ends up in the Silph Co. Building. He doesn't want to beat Team Rocket, doesn't want to be the hero (_that's Red's job_) but they challenge him to battles, and the expectation of the rush of winning makes him accept every one.

He expects to be taken down by a high-up Rocket Admin, someone who'd kill him without a second thought. He thinks for a while that it would be an honourable way for him to die, that She would be proud if he died trying to save other Pokémon. But then he thought of Her face, and the way She would grit her teeth through the hard battles, because there was always another battle, another possible victory just around the corner, even if the present wasn't what they were looking for. So he pressed onwards and never let up. He wasn't going to let them get him, because She would be disappointed if he gave up.

And then Red appeared.

And they battled.

Pikachu's thunderbolt took out Gyarados in one shot. A sky battle between Pidgeot and Fearow ended in victory for the effeminate bird. Ninetales' powerful Flamethrower torched Exeggcute. Venusaur fell to Alakazam's psychic onslaught. Blue began to feel pretty good. He was down to Charizard and Red only had one Pokémon remaining.

Ditto. Red sent out a Ditto. The shapeless purple Pokémon began shimmering, changing its shape-

Oh Arceus no!

Blue was only able to withdraw Charizard before he ran from the battle. Running from the copy of Her on the battlefield

_That shouldn't have happened! That wasn't supposed to happen! Ditto were supposed to copy their opponents, so why would it copy Her? Why?!_

* * *

6

Blue keeps running, after that. He doesn't stay in each city more than a night, getting his final badges in record time. He abandons Her pokéball, leaving it with his sister. He can't risk...that ever happening again. Rhyhorn joins him, another tough, hardy Pokémon. He trains it hard, Rhyhorn has to be strong, has to be able to protect itself. All of his Pokémon have to be able to protect themselves. He doesn't care if they hate him for it, but at least if they hate him then they're still alive, still with him. He can't lose any more of them.

He makes it to the Elite Four. The Elite Four: the place where even the strongest of the strong fall to their knees in despair of the four consecutive battles they have to face! And he wins! He blasts through every battle like they were wimpy trainers in a Gym, and his Pokémon are on fire (well, Charizard was to begin with...) and he feels on top of the world. Blue thinks this is where he belongs; this is where he needs to be. He has his grandfather's praise and attention (for the first time in so long) and his name is in the Hall of Fame. The only sour note is that Her name isn't there next to his, but Blue's elation, the satisfaction of his sated addiction is enough to push it down.

He's Kanto Champion, but he feels like King of the world.

And then Red walks in, and Blue's world falls apart. He doesn't even know how it happens.

Pikachu takes out Rhydon. How is that even fucking possible?! Ditto appears, and all Blue recalls is a sick feeling, but then it looks like Alakazam, like it should do, and his panic ebbs, but not in time to win the round. Pidgeot is all but slaughtered by Ninetales. Red's new Dragonair takes out Gyarados without sustaining even a scratch. Fearow's terrifying beak obliterates Exeggcutor.

And then they're back to the very beginning. It's Red against Blue and Venusaur against Charizard, like before, when they were young, innocent, naive, but one year and so many memories on. Neither are the same as they were at the beginning, or at the middle, but this feels like the end. Blue might already have lost, but this final battle feels like a crucial tipping point for both of them. It felt like The End.

And Charizard falls to the one Pokémon he should be able to defeat, and Red takes the Championship out from under Blue's nose. He gets a pat on the back from Professor Oak (all Blue got was a smile) and his name is logged in the Hall of Fame right below Blue's.

A flashback of what's long past: Blue gets there first, but Red comes out the winner in the end. And just like that, Red disappears.

_Don't leave me, please..._

* * *

Daisy's new boyfriend gives him an Eevee for his birthday. He can't tell if it's a bribe from Bill (he wants to be on Blue's good side when – not if – he knocks up his sister) or it's one of Daisy's attempts to improve his 'social life' ("You know, I think we'd get on so much better if you were friends with my little brother."). He doesn't entertain the idea they're worried about him being unhappy, being lonely.

Either way Blue looks at it, he doesn't want to take the Pokémon, and when he's forced to, he doesn't know what to do. Eevee is delicate and ..._fragile_ in a way none of his other Pokémon are. She reminds him so much of Her; fluffy and brown and she even has a patch of dark fur across her nose. But she's nothing like Her. Eevee likes to play, she has no life experience, no scars, and everything is a big game. Training her has become a chore, and not one Blue enjoys. But one night when everyone else is in bed, and Blue is lying on his window ledge, watching the world sleep away the twilight hours, Eevee finds him. She should be in her pokéball, in lab with the others (they don't like to hear him cry at night) but she isn't. She's here, sitting in his lap, licking away his tears.

Raticate used to do that, too. Then, like something's changed, life becomes easier. Eevee seems to understand him now. They can live together, and Blue thinks he's happy again. Sure, the hole where Bulbasaur should have been still stings, and some nights the hole Raticate left burns so bad he feels like giving up. But those holes are just cookie-cutter shaped now, his heart has grown to fit a little brown fox in it too, and he grows used to her constant presence, perched on his shoulder (he finds it hard to care about the little rumpled claw marks made in his favourite hoody). It's not until Daisy remarks the resemblance to Red's Pikachu that Blue sees it.

But strangely, he doesn't mind. The memory of Red doesn't make him shudder; in fact, it makes him a little nostalgic. He realises that Red isn't tainted by what happened; he never was. It was Blue who was corrupted by the incident on the S.S. Anne, but he likes to think he's better now.

* * *

He takes over the Viridian Gym soon after, and things start looking up. He has regular challengers, a regular cash flow. He finds he doesn't mind the young fledgling trainers who nervously enter his gym, looking for their first badge. He goes easy on them, Eevee tests their Pokémon's ability and Blue tests the trainer's, and they make a good team. And as Eevee builds up her strength, he looks for more Pokémon, interesting type combinations and exotic species, to test the strengths of his trainers.

Blue's Gym gets popular quickly, and soon it's strong trainers with seasoned veteran Pokémon who come looking for challenges, and the Earth Badge shoots back up to its previous position; synonymous with strength and glory, one step from the Elite Four at its back.

And the Champion watching over it.

Blue doesn't hear about Red again until he meets Lyra. Her team is made up of one-upon-a-time pets, and they've been turned into fierce battling machines (like another team he knows). Her Pokémon, or her 'babies', as she fondly calls them; Ampharos and Houndoom, Togetic and Xatu, Slowking and Delibird. All 'cutesy' Pokémon at one point; now experienced battlers. He asks her where her starter Pokémon is, and she just smiles at him.

And he realises he isn't alone. There are other people who lose Pokémon, it's not as rare as it seems. He's not so different from Lyra, except she has managed to move on. So when Lyra returns from the mountain, flushed from the cold and clutching a little piece of cord with a rough gem on it. Lyra tells him it's a gift from Red, and she hands it to him.

The next day, she returns and the gym is locked up. Blue is gone.

"Good Luck Blue." She smiles, leaving a note on the door for passing trainers.

* * *

7

It takes him just over a week to scale the mountain. He doesn't like sleeping on the cold hard floor; it makes him miss his bed. He doesn't like eating the dry, flavourless camping food he bought in a rush before leaving; it makes him miss his sister's home cooking. He doesn't like not being able to see the city lights; it makes him miss those quiet nights where he would watch them and the stars with Eevee. Not that they don't do that now, of course, but it's not the same when you can't hear traffic in the distance and see the occasional flickering streetlight. The city is hidden under a layer of thick fog and it makes Blue feel alone; isolated.

But he won't go back now, he has a job to do: he's going to bring Red home. Even if it means climbing up a fucking mountain in sub-zero temperatures.

When he gets up there, the sight is breathtaking. The whole of Kanto stretches out before his eyes, and in his peripheral vision he can see Johto winding around to the west. The height is dizzying, when he looks over the edge of the cliff, he can't see the bottom, the rolling mist is too thick.

Red appears behind him so quickly that Blue nearly jumps off the cliff in fright. Before he knows what he's doing, he's challenged Red to a battle, and a familiar feeling of fear washes through him. There's no emotion between them to hide the fear anymore; he can't mask his anxiety with anger or hurt because there isn't any left. It's all gone, and Blue is standing on a cold mountaintop, challenging Red to a battle when really he wants to beg Red to come home.

He doesn't realise that their roles have switched. Red left, and Blue followed.

Red refuses to battle him. It hits Blue hard. Isn't he good enough? Is he so weak that Red doesn't want to battle him anymore? Anger floods Blue and he tackles Red to the ground. They wrestle in the snow, fists and knees pounding into each other. Red rolls them over, and Blue is pinned. He squirms, jerking and kicking. He wants to hit Red, wants to fight him. If Red won't battle him then they'll have to fight.

Red holds Blue down in the snow until he stops struggling, red eyes meeting hazel. Blue's hair is damp, Red's hat is gone, Blue's scarf is trailed behind them, Red has a bloody lip. They watch each other for a second, waiting for the other to make a move.

They both move at once, and their faces smash together. It's their first kiss, and they're both bad at it, but they don't care. There's snow in Blue's hair and down his clothes, and he can taste Red's blood on his tongue, but he's shivering from Red's hands under his shirt and it's not like any of it matters anyways. They break apart quicker than they like, oxygen is in short supply at this altitude and they're both gasping when they separate.

Blue stares at the sky past Red's shoulder, panting heavily, mind reeling. Not two minutes ago, Blue was screaming at Red to battle him, and now...now, what were they?

It was awkward for a moment, but then Red pulled them up out of the snow. He wrapped his arms tightly around Blue, nuzzling into the downy brunette mane.

"I missed you." Red whispers, and Blue knows he isn't talking about the geographical difference between them.

_I missed you too._

* * *

"Blue?" It's early in the morning, he knows it is. Those memories are old now, and he stills sits on his window ledge at night, looking out across the slumbering city. Sometimes he likes to imagine it's all his, that he's king of it all, and other times he likes thinking that nobody knows he is there, watching the world sleep. He doesn't know which one he'd rather were true.

He turns to the bed. Red is sitting up, watching him quietly. The red-eyed trainer knows when to ask questions and when to badger the answers out of him, and Blue's glad that Red backs off tonight. He retreats back to the bed, into Red's warm arms. His body is cold from sitting against the cold window, and the sudden change in temperature makes him sleepy. Pikachu snores on the pillow above their heads. Eevee squeaks in indignation at being left out in the cold air of the bedroom, wriggling under the duvet until she's curled up against Blue's chest, tucked under his chin like a furry necklace. Not that he needs one; the gift-turned-invitation that Red gave him is around his neck constantly. It's frayed and the black dye of the cord is washed out and faded in a lot of places, and the knot has fallen apart and been retied more often than either of them can count. But it's still there; the necklace might be weathered and worn but it's stood the test of time. It's survived everything thrown at it, and the rough jewel is scuffed to a faint shine, but it's still beautiful.

Kind of like them. They are older now, their Pokémon are retired. Pikachu dozes more than he battles, and Eevee has grey on her nose. They've even had a hatchling or three, and their little Eevee pups whose fur crackles with electricity are popular among people looking to adopt family pets.

Blue liked to think he was happy, but now he realises he was only kidding himself. How could that have been a 'happy' life, without Red? His world revolves around Red now; and Red's around him. They're two halves of the same life, and Blue wonders how he could have missed it. Maybe it was the need to battle; the need to win that blinded him. Maybe it was the fear of looking into Red's eyes and seeing Raticate stare back at him. He doesn't know, and it doesn't matter now anyways.

Raticate still matters, though. He visits her grave four times a year, with each of the changing seasons. Her pokéball, now cremated, sits on the mantelpiece of their apartment, so she's never too far away. She's still there. He hasn't forgotten her, never will. He won't forget the burden of her death on his shoulders, or the 'what if's that never were.

But he's learnt to cope with the memories. He's learnt from them. He can stand tall under the weight of the burden, because Red makes it lighter. Red carries the weight with him, shares the workload. It's not a burden anymore, it's a comfortable weight. Like frown and laughter lines on an ageing face, the scars on his heart are a sign of lessons learned. But they're scars; which means by definition that they've healed, they don't hurt him anymore. All they are is a reminder of a Blue who doesn't exist now. The new Blue is happy, and he doesn't think he is. He knows.

_I forfeit my time  
And wait  
While you make up your mind  
So tell me  
If you ever find your flag  
Cause I will be right by you where you stand _

* * *

A/N: Aww, I really liked that! It was fun to write a little bit of hurt/comfort (it's not really angst, is it?), I might try it again someday.

(I think I'd better explain the whole Ditto thing: Blue was still carrying around Raticate's pokéball, which in theory still held all of her information. So Ditto could have quite easily just picked her Pokéball information to copy.)

So what did you guys think of my first attempt at Originalshipping? This has been nearly a month in the making, editing and rewriting, but I personally think it was a month well-spent. XD

Thanks for reading guys, and I'm sorry for dropping off the earth for a month! XD

Bye for now,

-Bug :) xx


End file.
